thursday 13

The George Wallace Comedy/Variety Show ... he'll tap dance on the steps of the Rotunda while attempting to prevent integration! Wait a second ... wrong George Wallace ... Old Cabell, 8 p.m., either way.

Paul de Mayo from the Green Party will be in Cabell 334 at 7 p.m. with his buds Phil de Azteco and Peter de Inco. The bastard didn't tell us which day, so if you are so pathetic you're gonna camp out for this, feel free to get medieval on his ass. For us.

In town tonight: at Miller's, the John D'Earth Group; at the Outback Lodge, Plutonium; at Trax, Slackjaw CD release party (FREE).

friday 14

First, India erected the Himalayas. The erosion of the Himalayas released enough CO2 to start the last ice age. The real question is: will they have blue game show hosts or "The- Super-Dooper-Triple-Looper-Kama-Sutra" in the years ahead? Manoj Joshi looks behind Door Number One in his talk "Kakakra (Wheel of Time) or Roller Coaster Ride? India Moving into the Twenty-First Century." Peabody 105, 3-5 p.m.

The reputable Yellow Journal proudly offers to the bereft university community an opportunity to oscillate in a manner deemed "retro" and/or "funky" at its function entitled "Disco Ball" hosted by the honorable AEPi fraternity (brotherhood) house for a mere three dollars of American currency.

So another V-day rolls around, and you're as single as a slice of Kraft Cheese; what's more you have nothing else to do, so you're lookin' for a place to get acquainted with yourself. Why not go to a one-time-only Burlesque show presented by the Virginia Dance Company and the Sil'hooettes? Show up at the Old Cabell concert hall at 8 p.m.; latex gloves and parafilm provided at the door.

graphic by Scott Herman

Don't be ashamed about your nasal sex fetish! Licensed by the American Medical Society, this documentary explains how common it is for couples to try, you know, "That Thing You Do," Cinematheque, 9:30 p.m. & midnight.

In town tonight: at Trax, McGraw Gap with Munson and Blues Undergrass; at Dürty Nelly's, Bluestone; at Miller's, Soko; at Outback Lodge, C'ville Funk All Stars; at Tokyo Rose, Ladybug Transistor and Saturine.

saturday 15

If you perform best in a dark room packed with strangers, be at Cinematheque at 7 & 9:30 p.m. for That Thing You Do. If you still need a lubricant, stick around for Grease at midnight.

In town tonight: at Trax, Too Skinnee J's and Funkomatic; at Miller's, The Fulltones; at the Outback Lodge, Knocked Down Smiling.

sunday 16

RU486?
No, I'm a Pentium!
While the CS geeks wheeze, responsible broads should check the latest in uterine management at the Women's Center.

Dave thinks Dr. Zhivago is the perfect make-out movie, something about that Russian cold is conducive to cuddling. Meet him at Cinematheque at 6 p.m., he'll be wearing the mink babushka.

In town tonight: at Trax, Bartender's Ball; at Michael's Bistro, Aaron Binder Eight.

monday 17

Hey all you preemies-- come hear the lecture launching the latest game in the "Operation" series that turned you on to medicine and ripping out organs on a whim and ripping off all your friends ... Dr. Her at 4 p.m. in Peabody 106.

In town tonight: at Miller's, Tim Reynolds; at Michael's Bistro, Phatness.

tuesday 18

Rien.

In town tonight: at Trax, Agents of Good Roots.

wednesday 19

"Blackness. womb. MOM / grandpa (drunk again) hairtuft ears / my rOOts betray me/ un-textured," Heritage Poetry Series / 6 p.m. / Pavilion XI.

"The African Burial Ground in New York City: Archeology and Politics". Jerry Handler explains why they let Jimmy Hoffa in, and why we can't get him out.4 p.m. at Peabody 107.

Your parents dropped you on your head. Your soccer coach dropped you from the team. Your high school sweetie dropped you like a bad habit. Drop back! Resume drop, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. in Peabody 105 and 106.

Ever wish you had eyes in the back of your head? Meet a man who wished too hard and got 'em on his arse! Cory Walker, who has used his unique anatomy to squat on more than 1000 religious texts, brings his unique "insight" to U.Va. with "A View of God from the Bottom", 12 noon at the chapel.

In town tonight: at the Outback Lodge, The Secret; at Trax, the Pat McGee Band, The Gathering Field, and PSI in a Phi Psi Benefit show; at Miller's, Mike Rosensky and Jeff Decker Quartet.