Fliers In The Ointment

Poodah has been accosted one too many times by over-zealous ravers, politicos, honor nazis, and a capella groups wielding fliers. Looking for avenues of escape, Poodah has devised the following options.

• grab a U-Guide and toss him into the tables
• the ol' stiff arm
• head fake left, then go right
• pop a cap in his ass
• grab a flier, staple it to his chest, and remark icily, "Already got one."
• pull the old "Look, burning Rotunda" gag
• when taking the flier, stroke his hand with your finger
• hijack all shipments of ugly-ass neon paper to Kinko's
• bust her in the chops with a Greenberry's mug

Violent Femmes

After a time, all of the wolf whistles, eyes "breastward", and subtle hand gestures can wear a girl down. Poodah dedicates this little number to women who kick ass (literally).

"Sister With A Gun"
Sung to the tune of The Violent Femmes' "Blister in the Sun"

Last night at FIJI
Slipped me a "roofie"
Hoped that I'd put out
Acted real queasy
Thought I was easy
Gutted 'em like a trout

Chorus:
Shot my way out
I'm a sister with a gun
Left 'em no doubt
Big hands keep offa my buns

Don't grab my teats
I'll use my cleats
You won't even know how
My girlfriends
Are built like tight-ends
We're all members of N.O.W.

Repeat Chorus
Repeat First Verse

Virtual Midwinters

StudCo's plan to conduct the voting process on the World Wide Web has thrust the university community into the 20th century. Your favorite mid-semester drunken madness can now be had without that uncomfortable trek out to Rugby. Poodah invites you join the cyber-party this Midwinters via the new "Frat Chat."

tj> hey wassup
cd> sup tj
landon542> dddddddddddddddddd
ashley> im soooo drtunkkk
tj> ; )
cd> hey are yoo m or f?
tj> so who else is out there
beevis> this is kewl! Sebadoh rulz!
------nekkid logs on--------
leather> do you chat here often?
landon542> ssssssssssssssdddddddd
ashley> landon, are u dreumnk 2
tj> dude, he's passed out on the keyboard
landon542> qwscddqqqqqkkkkkkk
nekkid> im naked
leather> my mouse isn't working
cd> hey, i asked a question
beevis> loveline rocks
ashley> I;m a gurll and i[m so druijnk
leather> shuttup bitch
nekkid> i'm still naked