U.Va. Nomenclature 2033

In light of the re-christening of 583 Brandon, Poodah forsees myriad other opportunities to immortalize scores of other salient members of the U.Va. community. These selfless individuals and their invaluable contributions might otherwise be relegated ignobly to the archives of the Cavlier Daily. Poodah recommends the following apt apellations:

• The Jamie Plummer BBS
• Dave Matthews "Under the Fourth Floor and Dreaming" Cabell Hall Copy Machine
• Nathan Vitan Clark Hall Privy
• Tom DeLuca UTS "Hereford Special"
• The Scot Fishman AFC Swimsuit Spinners
• Rugby Road Meningococcal Memorial Sidewalkand Bicycle Lanes
• The Wally Korte Tribute Magnavox, Dobie Lounge
• Janowski Devotional Chapel
• Edgar Allan Poe "Only Here for a Semester" Central Grounds Construction Partition
• The Megan ThunderDome (U-Hall)

ACC Officials Apology Form

Dear [Name],

As coach of [formerly ranked basketball team], please accept our most [adjective] apology on behalf of the ACC officiating staff. We are [BS adverb] sorry for our [antonym of innocuous] call at the end of the game. You may feel this was due to our [antonym of expertise], when in fact our referees were [alien abduction narrative]. We would like to like to go into more detail, but we have already sold our story to [zany Australian media mogul]. We would also like to apologize for ['80's pop icon 's] new child, interrupting [Texas crazy man's] daughter's wedding, and ['60's leader 's] assassination.

Sincerely,

[Known Philanderer]

Virgo to the Center of the Earth

Excited by the prospect of late night subterranean study sessions, Poodah wishes to dispel the doubts of those skeptical about the efficacy of the proposed underground library. Many advantages await those willing to brave the radon-filled halls of the university's latest construction endeavor:

• Easy access through steam tunnels
• Pays for itself with guano export revenue
• Live-action DigDug in stacks
• Higher boiling point = faster cooking
• Eyeless, translucent employees
• Stalagmites!
• Happy-Fun-Slide main entrance
• Warm, moist environment conducive to 'shroom cultivation
• Crypt Keeper head librarian
• Asteroid shelter for StudCo. to represent student interests in post-apocalyptic world
• Goths can study during the day
• Light bulb-covered walls as tribute to Invisible Man