Sorority Scream Session

In lieu of the recent decision to ban screaming during sorority rush, Poodah has conjured up some alternative attention-grabbing methods for first year rushees besides claiming to have had group sex.

• under-arm fart
• tighter, shorter clothing (as if!)
• topless flapping
• interpretative dance
• simultaneous orgasm
• yodeling
• meningitis
• hunger strike
• wearing white after labor day
• a moment of silence

Dolly Does Duncan

Little Bo Peep clones some beautiful sheep
For whatever your preference of sex is.
Farmers come to her stable
As soon as they're able,
Dolly beats any whorehouse in Texas.

Baa, ram, or ewe, is that one sheep or two?
Fun for the lonely highlanders.
Soon their kilts'll be lifted,
Boy, those Scotsmen are gifted.
Scottish brides now complain to Ann Landers.

When each lass and each lad
Learn it's fun being bad,
Dolly's message we'll hear the world over.
Every scientist dork
Knows a joule from a quark;
They'll be "dancing" with sheep through the clover.

Poodah's Portentous Prophecies

While perusing this year's issue of the election newsletter, Poodah was intrigued by the literary tastes of this year's candidates. Each candidate's choice of a favorite book reveals his/her possible hidden agendas. Below is a list of books and possible governmental decisions. See if you can match the novel with its appropriate political implication.

The Firm Atlas Shrugged Anne of Green Gables Siddhartha 1984 Little Women Fahrenheit 451 The Celestine Prophecy Crime and Punishment The Foot Book Of Mice and Men The Catcher in the Rye

Total destruction of the university Students "discouraged" from leaving university family All decisions made by the little man in my pants University run by conservative republicans Affirmative action instituted for short females Education becomes critical to our system Pavillion VII: Sheep brothel Amphitheatre transformed into furry bunny breeding ground Demolish Rotunda for Aztec temple U-Guides = bookburners