Lame Duck President

Poodah recently saw in the news that our beloved Commander-in-Chief recently went on the disabled list with a bum leg. Although it is reported that the President tripped and fell down the stairs, Poodah suspects a well-planned cover-up and speculates as to what was really behind the injury:

• a veiled attempt to take advantage of Proposition 215
• sponge baths
• handicapped parking permit
• supplement his income by renting out the Presidential bedroom (Hillary included)
• desperate cry for attention
• fell through the cracks in the health care system
• Chinese contributors wanted him to
• no longer has to hear the phrase, "Mr. President please put your pants back on"
• ploy to get sympathy from chicks
• went jogging too fast after binging on 55- cent Big Macs

The Sound of Gangsta Music

Poodah joins the nation in mourning the passing of Christopher Wallace, the latest casualty of the East coast - West coast feud. A copy of a bonus track (the 7" von Trapp club remix) has been obtained from his soon-to-be-released posthumous album:

Let's start at the very beginning,
A very good place to start.
On the West, they begin with E-Z-E.
On the East, we begin with B-I-G ... B-I-G.
The first three letters should always be B-I-G.
Colt, a beer! A tasty beer!
AK, a rapid firing gun,
B.I.G., a name I call myself,
Law, the pigs that spoil our fun.
Ho! Found Tupac in her bed.
L.A., South Central, and Death Row.
Weed, that shit goes to your head.
That will bring us back to Colt Malt Liquor.

Alternative Oscars

For the benefit of the home viewers watching the Oscars, Poodah will attend the less glamourous ceremony to be held earlier in the day. These are some of the categories that no one ever hears about:

• Best Example of Upper Lip Tweezing in a Documentary
• Best Lack of Costumes in Japanimation
• Most Egregious Commercial Plug
• Best Best Boy
• Best Placement of Coasters in a Period Drama
• Best Accidental Death during the Filming of a Motion Picture
• Best Portrayal of a Sane Person by a Scientologist
• Most Convincing Sober Performance by a Drug Addict
• Lifetime Achievement Award presented to Annie Sprinkle

Corporate Haiku

Crocodile Dundee
Selling out to Subaru
I'll show you a knife