Hey, Cool ...

During his morning constitutional, Poodah came upon the above-pictured ill-fated rodent. Curious as to the responses that such quotidian carnage might evoke, Poodah hurried home to retrieve a lawn chair and his half-read copy of A La Recherche du Temps Perdu and proceeded to spend the rest of the day recording the reactions of passing youngsters:

• "Mommy, where's its head?"
• "Do we have to cook it first?"
• "Daddy, did you use the 12 gauge again?"
• "Is he in squirrel hell?"
• "I dare you to touch it."
• "I'm gonna tell."
• "I saw it first."
• "He followed me home -- well, most of the way. Can I keep him?"
• "Why is his stomach on the outside?"

Camp David Sing-Along

The continued strife in the Middle East is a source of deep consternation for Poodah, who wonders how the diplomats and statesmen manage to while away those hours and hours of summit meetings without reaching any kind of consensus. The puerile tone of the following verses, found among the discarded memos scribbled out during a high-level conference, reveal why it has been so difficult to give peace a chance in the Holy Land.

(To the tune of "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah")

Hello Yasser, Hello Bibi
Arabs give me heebie-jeebies
Talks are really quite a pain
And every day another soldier's set aflame.

Those Israelis may accuse me
Of throwin' rocks, but they've got Uzis
This whole process is so awful
Fuck these meetings, I could go for some falafel.

Take me home to orthodoxy,
Take me home, us Jews got moxie,
Don't leave me alone in Golan heights;
I might get caught in rifle sights.

We'll have us an Intifada
On the banks of Red Sea waters.
The olive branch is offered at a price,
And frankly we're just not that nice.

This'll end in bombs and mortars,
Our Holy City's split in quarters,
The common enemy's Coptic Christians,
Give us Gaza, and we'll share our ammunition.

Spring Forward Haiku

Daylight savings time
Must suck for the vampire who
Forgot to set clock.