Desperately Seeking Big Bad Bomber

Apparently, those rocket scientists in "military intelligence" (an oxymoron if there ever was one) managed to lose track of an entire piloted airplane, an A-10 anti-tank bomber. Last seen flying over Colorado, "Warthog" is still AWOL. Poodah patriotically submits the following suggestions for locating the errant warplane:

• divining rod
• send out Bono and the Edge
• stop, think, retrace footsteps -- where was the last place you put it?
• search garage of man with 10 million Pepsi Points
• employ the services of Clinton's welfare corps
• send Cobra Commander the $1,000,000
• check for any suspicious Transformers wandering countryside
• follow breadcrumb trail
• Tiger Woods -- is there anything he can't do?
• try not looking for it

The Rat in the Frat

At a recent Greek function, Poodah realized the future of sexual relations at the university. Though substance-induced unconscious copulation has long reigned on the Rugby scene, rohpynol promises to revolutionize the "forget-me-now" culture, as the female protagonist of this dialogue soon discovers. In the spirit of Theodore Geisel, Poodah gives you Green Eggs and Roofies:

Would you, could you at Phi Mu?
Would you drink it in green brew?
Would you, could you, when at SERP?
Would you like to have a slurp?
Would you, could you at Trigon?
Would you like to get it on?

I would not, could not at Kappa Sig.
Don't I tutor you in trig?
I would not, could not at Sigma Pi.
You're 'bout as slick as my KY.
I would not, could not at Phi Gam.
I do not want it, Sam I am.

Try them, try them, there's no guilt!
Try them or my rose will wilt.
Try them, then enjoy my schlong.
When you wake up, I'll be long gone.

Say! I like green eggs and ... [thunk]
... and now you'll join me in my bunk!

Shine On ...

Poodah was elated to learn from a recent Washington Post article that radiation, the scourge of the atomic age, is indeed not as dangerous as orginally thought. Poodah provides the concerned citizen with a list of exposure risks at U.Va., measured in mRADs.

ROLM phones........................................0.02
Papa John's garlic butter..........................0.3
WNRN (per evening of listening)....................1.6
Magnetic strip on student ID.......................5
ARAMARK Chicken Taco Excursion.....................15
Coyote (at 500 yards)..............................50
Typical 1 hour Psychology 101 experiment...........73
Glow in the dark ceiling stars.....................300
Amateur Poetry Night at Espresso Corner............1,300