Guise 'n' Dolls THROW SOME REALITY ON THE BARBIE by Jessie Blundell photo by Jill Nussbaum Consider this: Mattel's familiar doll, Barbie, sells in 140 different countries at a rate of two per second. The average American girl owns eight Barbies. I recently spent several days with a version of this illustrious doll, our very own U.Va. Barbie. Ann Lane, the director of the Women's Studies program, graciously allowed me to borrow hers, and I gingerly carried the doll around Grounds, protecting her from the elements, showing her to peers and friends, discussing her significance with passersby. I thought about Barbie during Feminist Theory and Criticism with Susan Fraiman, and during Race, Gender, and the Medical Sciences, I scribbled down notes about Barbie while considering the nature of illness and the process by which doctors become authorities on the body. I reread parts of M.G. Lord's Forever Barbie: The Unauthorized Biography of a Real Doll. I discussed the U.Va. Barbie with random strangers and with Farzaneh Milani, author of the forthcoming book From Cinderella to Barbie. I even sat in Cocke Hall comparing the women who walked in to the doll in my backpack. Still, Barbie eluded my hypercriticism, my feminist consciousness, my attempts to ascertain her effects on young girls and her representation of U.Va. women. I found Mattel's attempt to represent U.Va. women as slapdash; the "add school colors and stir" recipe hardly recognizes the complexity and richness of our female community. I also found cliché critiques of Barbie simplistic; they failed to recognize the meaning of her unflagging popularity as the world's most popular toy. How many times have you heard "Barbie" and "wasp waist" in the same sentence? Yes, were she human, Barbie's measurements would be an outrageous 48-13-32 and many Barbie critics cite the obvious sexualized nature of the doll: her big baby blues, mammoth mammary glands, long flowing blond hair, and even longer thin, shapely legs. In the western tradition of idealized beauty, Barbie is quite a looker. Maybe this explains the U.Va. Barbie's hairbrush, rivaling her torso in length and her breasts in breadth. Regardless, Barbie lacks a few fundamental aspects of typical sexuality -- for example, genitalia, or say, nipples. There is no Barbie uterus, just empty plastic space with a propensity for mildew, and no Barbie belly button. Neither the product of reproduction nor capable of it, Barbie transcends the ever-popular notion of woman and mother as being synonymous. She provides girls an opportunity to imagine the endless possibilities of women outside the traditional domestic sphere. As my interview with Milani revealed, Barbie goes one step beyond equal opportunity by reversing the Judeo-Christian creation story. In the world of Barbie, woman came first; Ken occupies the status of afterthought, a companion for Barbie, a useful accessory for weddings and bat mitzvahs. So Barbie claims space in the modern world for career-minded women and dares to flip-flop the genesis of two major world religions. Both independently wealthy and successful in any and seemingly all professions, Barbie also embodies beauty, eternal sensuality, and fitness. Lift that veil of envy for a moment and realize that beauty also imprisons Barbie. She may never need a bra, but she can't nurse a baby. She looks swell in stilettos, but take them off and she falls on her face. And, as bodacious as her bod may be, Barbie can never actually do the deed. General criticism aside, I still have a bone to pick with the U.Va. Barbie. Although she resembles university women in some ways, the U.Va. Barbie also successfully misrepresents women on Grounds. First, the similarities: like Barbie, many of us wear sneakers and have bodies that "bend and move." Many women on Grounds display body consciousness, and there are tall, thin U.Va. women with blue eyes and long blond hair. U.Va. even has cheerleaders. I have yet to notice anyone, however, toting around a hairbrush twice the size of their head. From my observations in Cocke, I noticed women with backpacks, books, notebooks, a multitude of body shapes, sizes, and many an opposable thumb, but no pompons, no orange and white bloomers, no gravity-defying breasts, no forty year olds who could pass for fifteen. While I recognize the impossibility of representing all U.Va. women within the plastic confines of one doll, I wish Mattel accurately represented at least some women, or even one woman. Our cheerleaders do not attend U.Va. solely by way of athletics; they and their female peers represent a talented and academically accomplished group of young women -- women who warrant acknowledgment for their success in the academy, on the playing field, and in the community. Mattel offers a limited and anachronistically traditional imitation of U.Va. women, sorely disappointing considering the richness, complexity, and multiplicity of experience in the female community at U.Va. Since Barbie's resumé includes presidential candidate, police officer, astronaut, cowgirl, fry cook, and my boyfriend's favorite, Cannabis Nation -- Can't Stop Dancin', it remains a wonder that Mattel chose such a dated female personality from the myriad available. Instead of cheerleader U.Va. Barbie, who fails to emulate even them (she wears a ponytail; they sport the mature half-up), how 'bout someone a shade more representative? For example, Basketball Barbie, or Lacrosse, Field Hockey, Soccer, Cross Country, Swimmer, Crew, Volleyball, or Softball Barbie? You know, competitive sports. Or maybe Women's Chorus Barbie -- she wears a dress. Alterna-shit Barbie, complete with nose ring, dog collar, and teeny weenie bottle of Manic Panic. Rodman Scholar Barbie -- watch her whiz through Diff Eq. BGLAD Barbie, Escafé sold separately. Hip Hop Barbie, decked out for the Runk Shaker. Sorority Barbie, rush pin, denim vest, and butterfly clip included. Hippie Barbie with her own vial of patchouli and a hemp necklace just for you. But really, Lawnie Barbie seems a must -- she's on Judiciary and Honor, rocking chair sold separately.

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