thursday 25

The warning signs: You are in the E-school. You have 1,000 pairs of All-Stars in your closet. You have declared your independence from the United States. Whenever you leave the kitchen you howl, "I shall return!!" Michael Adas gives a talk entitled "Engineer's Imperialism: Economic Development and Social Uplift For the Philippines" at 4 p.m. in the Newcomb Hall South Meeting Room.

Famous for the adaptation "The Lake on Which the Swan Capitalist Oppressed the Duck Proletariat" and the post-Cold War masterpiece "The Wheat Cracker is the only Bread I've Had Since the West Corrupted Us," the St. Petersburg Ballet of Russia will accept your filthy lucre to watch them perform at 8 p.m. at the Charlottesville Performing Arts Center.

In town tonight: at Dürty Nelly's, PTF Band; at the Outback Lodge, My Dog Lucy; at Trax, Helmet, the Melvins, and the Wharton Tiers Band.

friday 26

"Than came to the faire a yonge Coed / Who Marketing two years had studied. / She schmoozed among the Boothes the whole mid-day / In hopes to finde a Job that well wolde paye." Ye McIntyre School of Commerce Career Faire, Newcomb Hall Ballroom, 12 to 2 p.m.

Product may cause healthy friendships to become unsettled, sometimes resulting in disastrous and uncomfortable romantic entanglements. When Harry Met Sally at Cinematheque. Midnight. You've been warned.

In town tonight: at Trax, Baaba Seth and Lake Trout; at the Outback Lodge, Drivin' 'n' Cryin'; at Miller's, Darrell Rose; at Dürty Nelly's, Ian Gilliam Trio; at Fridays After Five, Ironhorse.

saturday 27

"I know how to please my woman!" (Grunt) "Oh yeah?" "Yeah. Last night I made her meow." (Grunt) When Harry Met Sally at Cinematheque. 12 midnight ... The corned beef is ... uh ... really ... good.

Imagine Julia Robert's face as big as the building in Towering Inferno. As big as the Death Star in Star Wars. As big as Mickey Rourke's ass in Angel Heart. Cinematheque presents My Best Friend's Wedding, at 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.

In town tonight: at Miller's, Mississippi Tom and the Mudcats; at Trax, the Pietasters; at the Outback Lodge, Soko; at Tokyo Rose, Eugene Chasdbourne and Nicotina and the Legs; at the Prism Coffeehouse, Bruce Molsky & Big Hoedown.

sunday 28

Milk of Magnesia, one gallon. Cream of mushroom soup, three tins. Pornography. Three buckets, one for feces, urine, and vomitus. Then I lock myself in, to cure my addiction to soprano Rita Addico. Old Cabell Hall's Room 112 at 3:30 p.m.

Bebe and Cece Winan, the success of Carrot Top, Our Bodies, Ourselves, the Bozart Gallery. What do they have in common? Inspirations, last day of show. 11 a.m. to 7 p.m., 211 W. Main Street at the west end of the Downtown Mall.

In town tonight: at Tokyo Rose, live jazz; at Miller's, Greg Howard; at Michael's Bistro, Darrell Rose.

monday 29

Noted genetics professor Herman Finkelmeyer, III will be giving a lecture entitled "When Cloning Goes Wrong: The Unspoken Tragedy of Chi Phi," Mad Bowl, midnight.

tuesday 30

A raked gravel garden. Contemplation of one's place in the universal order of things. Starting to really break through: enlightenment, his head gleaming in the early morning. A gorgeous monk walks by with calves of iron. His robe falls open ... Bhante Gunaratana gives a lecture on Buddhist Meditation in the South Meeting Room of Newcomb Hall at 11 a.m.

In town tonight: at Trax, Phat Tuesday; at the Outback Lodge, Phatness.

wednesday 1

graphic by Tom Serlin

I'm chillin' in my crib, you know, studying the Torah, checking out the newest klezmer beats, when all of a sudden my homies bust in. They've brought a buncha blunts and a gallon of Manichevitz. We're gonna get wicked on the shofar and party like it's the first day of Tishri, baby. Hillel presents Rosh Hashanah Services in the Newcomb Hall South Meeting Room at 3 p.m. Mmmm ... challah.

"No, this won't do. I want something with a little more texture ... Yes, I realize that we've looked at 50 samples today, but I still haven't found what I want. It's not every day that you redo your rumpus room. Do you have anything in a muted walnut?" I hate these panel discussions. OAAA will offer a discussion on Black Male/Female Relations in Newcomb Hall Theater, 7 p.m.

In town tonight: at the Outback Lodge, The Secret; at Trax, Flavor club night