Poodah Corner

U.Va. TV Guide

As the new fall prime-time season storms into dorm rooms and apartments, it would be derelict not to be apprised of the newest programming radiating from Sunny California. Poodah, through unnamed Hollywood insiders, has obtained the scoop on several new shows hitting the Charlottesville-Albermarle airwaves this October.

Sajeena! New talk show with a multi-cultural focus. This week: local crank Allan Ng comes out as non-white.

The U-Files: Mulder (Mark Edmundson) and Scully (Rita Dove) search for intelligent life among students. Students eat their livers, sleep for 30 years.

Speed III (Movie of the Week): UTS bus driver (Farrell Kelly) consumes too much coffee, falls asleep at wheel. Alert passenger (Katie Couric) guides bus safely to Comm School stop.

PK(German)TV: Off air.

Press Your Budget: Host Dean Kwon presides as CIO leaders hope for "Big money, big money! No whammies ... and ... STOP!" "Oh, a fifteen percent cut ..."

Escort 9-911: Six-year-old Nelson county resident Bo Shifflett saves the service by volunteering to drive a van for the evening. Says Bo, "A'm used to night drivin', on accounta drivin' Pappy home from the still every Sat'dey."

Beyond Bake Sales

Always attentive to the needs of the university's Contracted Independent Organizations, Poodah compassionately offers the following moolah-raising ploys.

  • Sale of vintage Garbage Pail Kids collections
  • Magic - The Gathering Invitational
  • Whorin' around
  • StudCo Action Figures
  • Mommy and Daddy
  • Ask old man Casteen if you can mow his Lawn
  • Tame squirrels, hire out as bartenders
  • Paula Poundstone at U-Hall
  • Football team sold at discount
  • Cocke-fights

Mix 'n' Match

Poodah giveth, and Poodah taketh away. Today Poodah giveth (lucky you!). Combine a phrase from the first column with one in the second column and build your own ribaldry.

If you see ...

  • spray grass on Lawn ...
  • Jerry Falwell and Larry Flynt ...
  • the Student Council teat ...
  • mackerel sky ...
  • CavDaily inserts on floor ...
  • construction on Grounds ...
  • paraphenalia ...
  • 20 point lead ...
    		• ... then expect

    ... 20 point loss.
    ... maybe wet, maybe dry.
    ... administrator passed out near half-eaten Gusburger.
    ... doomsday machine built by Hereford.
    ... 15 percent less breast milk.
    ... forcible entry.
    ... CIO self-sufficiency.
    ... two new student publications.

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