Athletic Supporters

Poodah gives mad accolades to U.Va. Recycling for their new promotional campaign! Reining in Cavalier football standouts' opinions on post-consumer waste was a definitive coup. Here are some other public service announcements that didn't quite make the cut:

U.Va. Lacrosse: "We Score Every Time We Floss!"
U.Va. Field Hockey: "We Score Every Time We Sign Before Changing Lanes!"
U.Va. Women's Crew: "We Score Every Time We Wipe from Front to Back!"
U.Va. Basketball: "Every Time We Score, an Angel Gets Its Wings!"
U.Va. Wrestling: "Every Time We Score We Get to Go to a Local Dairy Farm and Find Out Where Milk Comes From!"

Recipe For Disaster

Walking through the basement of Newcomb Hall after a marathon pool-playing session, Poodah stumbled across a well-worn 4x6 index card that read "From the Kitchen of The Cavalier Daily."

Front Page Surprise
Serves 10,000 daily. Even though this recipe is old, you can serve it every day! Reheats well; great for leftovers (especially around exam time!).

3 1/2 cups instant made-up words
4 cups sun-dried glaring typos
1 stick I-want-a-job-when-I-graduate oleo
3 tbsp. diced nose for news
1 bag gratuitous nudity morsels
1 can sweetened condensed can-do attitude
1 full color picture of people studying on Lawn
3 tsp. extract of unsubstantiated facts
1/2 tsp. essence of misspelled names
1 dash absurdly literal captions
raging social injustice (optional)
1 odoriferous snake

Preheat budget to $500,000. Combine dry ingredients (words, typos, nose) in large mixing bowl. In a separate saucepan, melt nudity morsels with oleo. Add attitude. Simmer for three minutes, stirring constantly. Fold all ingredients together in mixing bowl. Blend in picture and captions. Add unsubstantiated facts, misspelled names, and snake. Bake for several hours, beginning in late afternoon. Let stand until slightly stale. Garnish with just a pinch of social injustice (too much might overpower your article) and serve with Dilbert and a crossword puzzle.

Survey Says ...

Wholly flabbergasted by the recent shocking revelations regarding students' drinking habits, Poodah conducted an informal survey. Not for the timid or squeamish, the results promise to rock the foundations of your university weltanschauung (yeah!).

• A capella group members beat-box more often than non- a capella group members.
• Hereford College residents average higher scores on Quake than non-Herefordites.
• UTS drivers on the blue-route eat more McDonalds than non-blue-route drivers.
• Out-of-state students pay higher tuition than in-state students.
• Brown College residents have higher incidences of kitsch per square inch than non-Hillies.
• Stores on the Corner undergoing bankruptcy proceedings sell their clothes at cheaper prices than stores not undergoing bankruptcy proceedings.