thursday 30

I was almost finished with my masters' thesis when it happened. Those two little words -- two stinking syllables, for crying out loud! And now my mother disowned me, my dog left me, and I have dry skin. It could happen to anyone! Whatever you do, don't write "of Spain!" (No!! I did it again!) The Women Writers of Spain (d'oh), Conference Room 168A in Newcomb Hall at noon.

In town tonight: at Trax, The Dumm Dumms, My Dog Lucy, and the Counselors, a benefit for the Music Resource Center; at Miller's, John D'Earth; at Tiny Mac, The Groove; at Outback Lodge, Jiggle the Handle; at Monterey's, Superjock JJ.

friday 31

The Raven Society and the Jefferson Society present a Poe Reading Contest in Jefferson Hall, 9:00 p.m. Oooh, nevermore, I'm a big black bird.

The rain in Portugal trickles down the wall. The rain in Timbuktu falls directly into the zoo. The rain in Port-au-Prince runs down Peter Quince. The rain in Nigeria roars up from soup bowls in the cafeteria. The rain in Macchu Picchu will bring tigers to eat you. The rain in Newark is a bunch of bulwark. The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain ... what uninspired words. Women Writers of Spain, Newcomb Hall Cavalier Room, 8 a.m. to 4:45 p.m.

Hack up Noah Wyle and hear the resounding crack of a thousand teeny-bopper hearts breaking at once ... come on up to Monroe Hill, you know you want to do it. Brown College Hauntings, 8 p.m. to 12 p.m. It'll be an evil E.R. emergency.

In town tonight: at the Outback Lodge, Charlie Pastorfield Reunion Show; at Trax, Halloween Bash with Baaba Seth, the Secret, and One Drop; at Miller's, Mississippi Tom and the Mudcats; at Monterey's, Jagged Edge; at Tokyo Rose, Low and Ida.

saturday 1

graphic by Scott Herman

Newcomb Plaza! Now with real live active yogurt cultures! Unless it rains, that is. Culturefest, 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. (Rainsite -- Commonwealth Room.)

Beware of sneaky postmodern meta-horror films. And beware of gratuitous nipple shots as well. Scream at Cinematheque 10 p.m., midnight, 2 a.m.

In town tonight: at Miller's, Mississippi Tom and the Mudcats; at Monterey's, Jagged Edge; at Trax, Superchunk, Beatnik Filmstars, and Drunk; at Tiny Mac; The Incinerators.

sunday 2

"Whoohoo! Maybe my epic about the girl downstairs will finally debut!" "Ed, I don't think that 'films' shot through a window late at night with a telephoto lens count ..." New Films from U.Va., Newcomb Hall Theater, 3:30 p.m.

Who put the bomp in the bop in the bop-shoo-bop-bop? Who put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong? Who put the dip in the dip-da-dip-da-dip? Student Media, that's who! The Student Media Program at Newcomb Hall Theater, 2 p.m.

Thought Brad Pitt sucked in Seven Years in Tibet? Check out the making of Roy Wagner's Windhorse, a movie filmed on the sly in Tibet. Newcomb Hall Theater at 10 a.m. Boy, was Sly in a sorry state after they got done with that one.

In town tonight: at Trax, Veruca Salt; at the Jewish Mother, Musiikanten.

monday 3

-- And if you don't finish everything on your plate, young man ... I'll send you to Africa to starve with the natives.
-- Awww ... Mom!
-- And you, young lady, when you forgot to recycle that aluminum can, you wasted precious metal that might have gone into making the joints for prosthetic limbs.
Receive a Lecture on the Environment, Newcomb Conference Room 168B, 6 p.m.
-- Awww ... Mom!

In town tonight: at Monterey's, Tim Rynalls & Bennie Dodd Band; at the Jewish Mother, Gretchen Casler.

tuesday 4

Meg Ryan is quirky by nature. She cannot help but be quirky. When Harry met Sally, Joe v. the Volcano, I.Q., Sleepless in Seattle, Sloshed in San Francisco, here some quirk, there some quirk ... When a Man Loves a Woman, Cinematheque, 8 p.m. See Meg be quirky and throw things with cute anger.

Monty Cello? Why, he's the most hip happening man on the block. Let him take you for a ride, ladies. Gold chains and a stretch Cadillac. Susan Stein, curator of Monticello, speaks on women's roles at TJ's homestead. 1 p.m., Commonwealth Room, Newcomb Hall.

In town tonight: at Miller's, Blues and Stuff; at Outback Lodge, Lotus Eaters.

wednesday 5

(start eerie music) You wake up disoriented. Shadows are creeping from the corners. You are disgruntled because you have been interrupted from your dream starring Jenny McCarthy and Ed McMahon. Things aren't what you would like them to be. The center will not hold. It is humid. So humid. You changed to flannel sheets too early. Damn. You are having a Crisis in the Hot Zone. Richard Preston lectures on his own "Crisis in the Hot Zone." Newcomb Ballroom, 7 p.m.

In town tonight: at Mudhouse, Nickletown; at Trax, Claire Quilty with Bombpop.