Hash Marx
[to the tune of "The Monster Mash"]

I was chilling in my suite, late one night
When my dad came in, old, fat, and white
He saw my new tattoo and my bloodshot eyes
And said to me, to my surprise:

"(Lets smoke some hash!)
I brought your mother's stash
(Lets smoke some hash!)
It's underneath the dash
(Lets smoke some hash!)
We can hot-box the Nash"
My dad brought out the Turkish Hash

We walked to Littlejohn's, and along the way
An undercover cop tried to buy our J
He said he'd run us in for the Mary Jane
Unless we wrote a check to the Capital Campaign

(He took our cash!)
It was a lot of cash
(He took our cash!)
He gave us wallet rash
(Gone in a flash)
Like the Stock Market crash
All for some hash
That quality Turkish hash

Goldilocks and the Three Beds

Treading in the footsteps of the Brothers Grimm, Poodah has set about to document contemporary fairy tales. The tale below is told about an idiot, full of sound and fury, dignifying nothing.

(Empty stage, Narrator enters stage left.)
Narrator: It was night in Mr. Jefferson's Kingdom. Goldilocks, a prince from a foreign land had consumed too much of the magic juice and needed to sleep. The prince had a problem. He didn't have a bed or an innocent first year to violate! Fortunately, he stumbled into a bonny castle in his search for hospitality. The first bed Goldilocks found was too loud.

Goldilocks: Hey Baby --
Princess 1: What the hell ? ... Get the fuck outta here!
Narrator: The second bed was too quiet.
Princess 2: ZZZzzzzzzzzz ...

(Goldilocks whisked away by two strapping University policemen to Albemarle/Charlottesville joint security facility set.)
Narrator: Then Goldilocks slipped into the Land of Nod. He awoke in a dank dungeon.
Warden: Hey Baby --
Narrator: And this cot was just right.

Brass Tax

In these desperate times, it has come to Poodah's attention that a new band of patriot has emerged. Calling themselves The Sons of Luxury Automobiles, these modern-day revolutionaries seek to abolish insidious controls on their life, liberty, and pursuit of Fahrvegnügen.

"Our driving ambition is to repeal the intolerable car tax that has been unfairly imposed on our oversized, high- performance vehicles." The Sons of Luxury Automobiles plan to protest the unfair tax by dressing as Indians and driving their cars into Boston Harbor. They also plan on tarring and gravelling tax collectors and drawing and quartering a cheap Japanese automobile.

Their rallying cry is as clear as possible for a Boston accent -- "Pahk yah cah in Bahstahn Hahbah."