Hoo Are You, Hoo-Hoo?

To Hoos it may concern,

We would like to address two issues that have not been mentioned in any of your articles welcoming students back to the university: seating etiquette in the classroom and on the buses. This letter is for all students who are still not aware of these unspoken rules of etiquette.

First, the issue of seating in the classroom. Let us consider the case of Mary. Mary has been attending the university for three and a half years and is taking Anthropology 351.7: Social Theory on Mass Streaking: Nudity in Education in Maury 209, the classroom from Hell. The first day of class, Mary chooses a seat in the second row. Because she chooses this seat, it is automatically hers for the semester. (Yes, her name is on it in invisible ink.) Then one day, she arrives a few minutes late because people on the bus would not move to the back, and so the bus was late. She comes to take her usual place in the room, but to her utter amazement and disbelief she finds a fellow student in her seat!! She thinks to herself, "Isn't this the same guy who has been sitting behind me all semester? Doesn't he know that this is my seat?!" Mary reluctantly sits behind him but is unable to concentrate on the lecture due to her seething anger at her displacement.

What went wrong in this story? If you cannot identify the faux pas, please read on. We will spell out the rules for you.

1. The seat you sit in on the first day of class is yours for the semester.

2. You may not take a classmate's seat during the semester unless you are sure that the person who owns the coveted seat is absent for that day or you get written permission. Only then can you take the seat -- but only for that day. Remember: possession is 9/10 of the law.

If you take someone's seat and that person comes to class, that person will be forced to take a different seat which may infringe on someone else's right to a seat, and mayhem occurs. In short, do not take a seat that is not yours.

The second issue we would like to mention is etiquette on the bus. We don't mean giving the front seats to the elderly and the handicapped. Everyone should know that already. Here are the rules:

1. If the bus is overcrowded and it's five minutes to the hour, move as far as you can to the back of the bus and make more room for others. Don't wait for the driver to yell, "Move back!" Adopt a new mantra. Chant to yourself every time you get on the bus, "I will move to the back, I will move to the back." Then it will become part of your being, and you will be one with the universe(ity). We must all work together to get to class on time. As much as we want to physically push you to the back, voluntary movement is so much easier and less violent.

2. If your friend happens to get a seat, and you are left standing, do not stand next to him/her if people are still trying to get on. While we understand that separation for that whole ten-minute ride to class is traumatic, MOVE BACK!!! Think how much sweeter your reunion will be at your bus stop ... all those tears of joy!!

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
Two Hoos

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