Jesse Gerstein     Bugs in Space There are some movies you go to just for the hell of it. You don't go for the acting; you don't go for the writing. You go because you want to see the bugs. If that's the case, well, damnit, you're in luck. Starship Troopers has bugs, and lots of 'em. It also has one of the gosh darn purtiest casts in movie history. Johnny Rico, played by former model turned piss-poor actor Casper Van Dien, is the hero of our story. The stereotypical golden boy, captain-of-the-football-team Johnny joins the Federation with his buddies to go fight the arachnid menace from across the galaxy. His friends include love interest and aspiring starship pilot Carmen Ibanez (Denise Richards), psychic scientist-guy Karl (Doogie Howser himself, Neil Patrick Harris), and the ass-kickin' Dizzy Flores, played by Dina Meyer. Soon separated, the friends report to their respective training centers where they learn that this military thing is not all it's cracked up to be (I think it has something to do with getting beaten by a drill sergeant on a daily basis.). Somehow, Dizzy winds up with Johnny in the Mobile Infantry, while Carmen trains to fly ships, and Karl becomes a top military intelligence type. Earth in the future is a happy, sunshiny place where all nations get along and men and women are viewed equally. No sexual discrimination here, as demonstrated in the co-ed shower scene with Dizzy and Johnny during bootcamp!! However, with the players still in training, the bugs attack Earth, and thus, there's a war. They go off to fight with little idea of how to do much of anything, with Johnny as squad leader, soon to be promoted (and promoted, and promoted), Dizzy as his right hand woman (and eventual love interest #2), and Carmen as the best young pilot in the galaxy. They land on the planet of the bugs, where the really big bugs shoot spaceship-damaging projectiles, I shit you not, out of their asses!! Then there are the smaller, and much more numerous, spider/scorpion bugs that have razor sharp claws that can take about a hundred bullets before they die. These are the most vicious of all bugs because they don't know any better, and they just like to tear people apart into hundreds of little pieces. Which brings us to the gore. I hope you like blood and guts, and blood and heads, and blood and hands, and blood. You see, there's a lot of blood in this movie. I guess it gives it some authenticity, right? So our hero and pals fight, are decimated, yet return to fight some more, only this time as members of the Roughnecks, led by "He's a bad mutha ... shut your mouth" Michael Ironside. This is when the shit goes down. Lots of fighting, lots of people dying (even the ones we care about), and lots of bugs, including some that spit lava, others that look like big roaches, and a final which is a big ol' brain that looks like a cross between Jabba the Hutt and The Blob. He's psychic, just like Doogie Howser's character, and somewhere towards the end Doogie does some sort of mind meld and says, "He's afraid," at which point everyone starts cheering. I'm not gonna tell you if the good guys win or not, but just remember this is a Hollywood production. When Robert Heinlein wrote this book oh so many years ago, I'm willing to bet this is exactly how he pictured the movie. And why not? I guess the underlying themes of world domination by a mindless and brutal enemy, the man-vs.-nature, man-vs.-man kinda thing, and of course, the love story, are unimportant. But that doesn't really matter. After all, this is pure entertainment. Generally, big-budget, special-effect filled, action flicks annoy the hell out of me. Yet strangely enough, I had one of the most enjoyable movie-going experiences I can remember. This is just laughable, violent fun. You know you want to see it, so go, but don't forget to suspend all disbelief. It's the worst movie you'll ever love.

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