thursday 4

The Good Person of Sichuan, 8 p.m. at the Culbreth Theater. If it ain't Brecht, don't fix it. Heh.

Woody Allen, Joan Crawford, and Michael Jackson will be on hand for Dr. Greg Townsend's talk "It's Not Just Happening to Other People's Children" at 6:30 p.m. in the McIntire Room of Jefferson-Madison Regional Library.

I guess I could buy the stirrups at any medical supply store, but is there any way to really be prepared for these things? Improve exam preparation, 4 p.m., Elson Student Health Center Conference room.

Well, there's the fact they turn blue, and shiver, and the hypothermia, but my main complaint with winter students is the shrinkage. I just can't handle the shinkage. Winter Students' Art Show, 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. at the Newcomb Hall Art Gallery.

Daniel Ehnbom will speak on "The Story of Krishna in Indian Painting" at 5:30 p.m. in Campbell 153. Reincarnation: if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

In town tonight: at the Jewish Mother, Bennie Dodd and the High Street Band; at Trax, Two Skinnee J's with Spider Monkey; at Tokyo Rose, Tsunami with True Love Always and The Sorts; at Monterey's, Superjock JJ; at Dürty Nelly's, Pete Lawson.

friday 5

Pulp Fiction, 7 and 9:30 p.m., Cinematheque. You know any respectable nerd should be able to say "check out the big brain on Brett" at least three seconds before Samuel L. Jackson, so put down the Magic: the Gathering deck and see it again -- for the fiftieth time.

In a world of readily available sawed-off shotguns and easy-drinking forties, why is convenience store clerk the lowest paying job available? Find out the answer to these and other existential dilemmas in Clerks, midnight at Cinematheque.

The Good Person of Sichuan, 8 p.m., Culbreth. Tomorrow night, The Morally Compromised Individual of Bavaria. Sunday, The Value-Neutral Mary Kay Salesperson of Wichita.

graphic by Tom Serlin

If your Magic Eight ball has been prophesying "ask again later" and Jonathan Livingston Seagull isn't as spiritually fulfilling as you expected, come see Dr. Bushrui speak about Kahlil Gibran, the only "real" prophet, 5 p.m. in the Commonwealth room.

Pantyhose creations. Shellacked Reader's Digests. Leather-worked gum holders. Sock monkeys. Artisans' Bazaar. Newcomb Ballroom.

In town tonight: at the Jewish Mother, Underfoot; at Dürty Nelly's, Soul Kitchen; at Trax, Jimmie's Chicken Shack with Live Alien Broadcast.

saturday 6

Is he a man or a woman? I don't know! I don't know! The Good Person of Sichuan, 8 p.m. Culbreth.

The Women's Chorus proudly presents its annual Christmas Candlelight concert, 8 p.m. in the chapel. Fire Department officials will arrive early to hand out complimentary oily rags and lighters. Bedwetters not welcome.

We got into the Ballroom, checkin' out the scene. Wanna know the rest? Hey, buy the Precious Moments figurines. How Bazaar. How Bazaar? How Bazaar. Artisans Bazaar in the Newcomb Ballroom.

In town tonight: at Outback Lodge, Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise with Charlie Pastorfield; at Tokyo Rose, Bella Morte with Vehemence Realized and Whisper it True; at the Jewish Mother, The Secret.

sunday 7

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon. When you comin' home, Dad? I don't know when. But we'll get together then. Yes, we'll surely have a good time ... then. Women's Chorus Candlelight Concert, 5:30 p.m. in the Chapel.

In town tonight: at Michael's Bistro, Furnace Mountain String Band; at the Jewish Mother, Gretchen Casler.

monday 8

Marcia Cavell and Jonathan Lear -- of UC-Berkeley and U-Chicago, respectively -- will speak for themselves and comment on each other at 3:30 and 7:30, respectively. Presented by the Theory Seminar. Wilson 301. Theory's all right, but I wouldn't want my sister to marry it.

In town tonight: at Michael's Bistro, Phatness; at the Jewish Mother, Sal Milione.

tuesday 9

Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos expatriate Academy Award-winning director Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos Milos.

In town tonight: at Michael's Bistro, Timothy Stinson Trio; at Jewish Mother, Dance Party with DJ Evan Michaels.

wednesday 10

Get off your lazy ass and study for exams, chuckles.

In town tonight: at the Jewish Mother, Common Bond; at Outback Lodge, The Secret.