DKE the Halls

In the grand tradition of cruel and unusual hazing and latent homosexuality, Poodah humbly submits the following seasonal ditty to you, gentle reader. To be sung aloud to the tune of "Deck the Halls."

Deck the pledge with Fists of Fury
Wahoowahoowa, hoo wa hoo wa
Beat him 'til his vision's blurry
Wahoowahoowa, hoowahoowa
Don we now our gay (not gay!) apparel
Wahoowa, wahoowa, wa hoo wa
Deliver pizzas at your peril
Wahoowahoowa, hoo wa hoo wa

See the pledges writhe before us
Wahoowahoowa, hoowahoowa
In the trunk of Daddy's Taurus
Wahoowahoowa, hoo wa hoo wa
Drive them out to Sugar Hollow
Wahoowa, wahoowa, wa hoo wa
Find out if they spit or swallow
Wahoowahoowa, hoo wa hoo wa

All I Want for Xmas ...

Touched by the poignant shout-outs of gracias in the pre-Thanksgiving CD, Poodah would like to pass on the following Christmas wishes overheard around Grounds. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and Poodah is everywhere.

Larry Sabato: "I would like a talking head of my own."

Terry Holland: "Beat-me-up Barbies for the entire athletic department! They come with boxing gloves, and the black eyes disappear in cold water."

Aaron Laushway: "I would like an end to vicious and unfair stereotyping of the Greek system for the sake of mean-spirited satire ... and some new khakis, a blue button-down shirt, and a white U.Va. cap, please."

Dean Kwon: "Six dollars from everyone!"

Thomas Jefferson: "Some fuckin' recognition around here for a change. And for God's sake, quit referring to me in the present tense. I'm dead, mmkay?"

Chemistry Department: "Maybe a new micro-fridge?"

Art Department: "The change from your sofa."

Music Department: "The change from your other sofa."

Nursing School: "Visiting Professor George Clooney."

O Tannen-bomb

Inspired by Martha Stewart's groundbreaking holiday craft, Poodah assembled a delightfully motley collection of trimmings for that special holiday shrub of yours.

• Streakin' Elves Chase Lights
• Emmanuel Lewis Kindergarten hand-print (enlarged to show)
• Limited Edition Brother Jim Holographic Nativity Scene
• ISISicles
• Krazy Kapital Kampaign Kandy Kanes
• Irony
• Jewish Mother dreidel garlands
• Prehensile Tinsel
• StudCo glitter pinecone
• Shadoe Stevens Scintillating Center Square ornament
• Olive Drab Standard Issue Angel of Cynicism