A Sinking Feeling ...

Over break, Poodah fanagled a way into a test screening of endings to James Cameron's epic, Titanic. While they never reached the silver screen, Poodah found several imaginative closing sequences worthy of further consideration. Among Poodah's favorites:

• Iceberg sinks instead; 1,500 polar bears perish
• Bomb goes off when speed drops below 20 knots
• Titanic collides with a pod of endangered narwhals
• As passengers desert ship, parallels with the U.Va. soccer team are implied
• Morgan Freeman shows up, saves their white asses
• High sulfur content in steel the real antagonist

HOPEless

Poodah appropriated a copy of HOPE, the housing office's top secret Housing Opportunity Placement Exam. The real descision maker in on-Grounds housing assignments, now you can judge your chances before you end up in Copeley with the lead guitarist of the DethSkulls.

1. I prefer my neighbors to:
   1. be from interesting, varied backgrounds
   2. have trouble recalling specific dates and times when questioned by the authorities
   3. leave the bedroom curtains open

2. Ethernet is important to me because of access to:
   1. porn
   2. Quake
   3. life
   4. all of the above

3. My typical mode of transportation is: (circle all that apply) UTS scooter a litter with porters zip line Pegasus steam tunnel

4. I would describe my bathroom habits as:
   1. territorial
   2. sketchy at best
   3. I bleed ... for days!

      Mountain Dew About Nothing

      In accord with IFC's ordinance that non-alcoholic beverages be served at all fraternity functions, Poodah polled prominent university faculty concerning their preferred refreshments:

      Mark Edmundson ... Canada Dry
      Larry Sabato ... Fruitopia
      Dean Mayes ... Wink
      Raymond Bice ... Moxie!
      Herbert Tucker ... Sprite
      Paul Cantor ... Duff
      Terry Holland ... PowerAde
      Roy Wagner ... Orbit
      Francis Carey ... powdered milk
      Jim Deetz ... Mountain Dew
      Jeff Jones ... Crush
      Wally Korte ... Gatorade
      P. Q. Hung ... RC Cola
      Fred Diehl ... Juicy Juice
      

      Economic Voodoo Haiku

      Econ classes full
      "Smart" professors don't know why ...
      Invisible hand!