thursday 29

What they'll never teach you in sex ed: Professor Scott DeVeaux talks about his book, The Birth of Bebop, at Barnes and Noble, 7:30 p.m.

Surgeon General's Warning: Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. "A Theoretical Parade," an installation by John Kirchner using primarily leaf tobacco and cigarettes, opens today and runs through February 20 at Artspace Gallery, 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.

In town tonight: at the Jewish Mother, Soul Kitchen; at Outback Lodge, Mississippi Tom and the Mudcats; at Trax, Too Skinnee Js with Thrift Unit; at Dürty Nelly's, Pete Fekas and Keith Bradley.

friday 30

Whoomp, there it is. See Delta Sigma Theta put that big ass paddle to good use, if you know what I mean. The "variety" show starts at 7 p.m. in Newcomb Ballroom.

You like the FBI? Want to get into someone else's skin? Does cannibalism turn you on? Sweatin' a pair of night-vision goggles? Meet others who share your interests: The Silence of the Lambs, Cinematheque, 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.

In Newcomb, at Cinematheque: the ones with the ping-pong ball. The Usual Suspects, midnight.

In town tonight: at Jewish Mother, Granian; at Outback Lodge, The Ninth and Raphael; at Tokyo Rose, The Instigators with Roosevelt's Plan; at Dürty Nelly's, He Said Monday; at Trax, Marcy Playground and Lincoln; at the Jefferson Theater, Vassar Clements.

saturday 31

Ever wonder where the steering wheel was on the U.S.S. Enterprise? Ask George Takei, a.k.a Mr. Sulu, when he speaks to the Asian American Student Conference, Newcomb Hall Cavalier Room, 9 a.m. Want more info? Call the Newcomb Information Desk and they'll beam you up.

Cinematheque's got more cellulite, I mean, celluloid than you can shake a stick at: Poor Dick, I knew him well. Richard III, 2 p.m. and 4 p.m.

Clone this, and Anthony Hopkins will have your liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti. Silence of the Lambs, 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.

Keyser Söze: Colloquium on Academicism in Post-Colonial Latin America. The Usual Suspects, midnight.

In town tonight: at Miller's, Terry Garland; at Tokyo Rose, a benefit for WIRE 600 with Stigma Rock Unit, Panoply Academy Glee Club, and Union of a Man and a Woman; at Jewish Mother, David Kitchen and the Demolition; at Trax, Caroline's Spine with My Dog Lucy.

graphic: Ruth Collins and Becca Edson

sunday 1

So it's not Hands Across America, but you gotta believe in something these days. Join drummer David Rose, the NAACP Youth Council Choir, and students from the Music Resource Center at the African-American Read-In-Chain, Gordon Avenue Library, 3 p.m.

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise. So lights out at 2100 hours, slacker.

In town tonight: at Dürty Nelly's, PTF Band; at the Prism Coffeehouse, Pierce Campbell with Christopher Williams.

monday 2

Forget that South Park noise, Mosaic House presents Paul Cantor on The Simpsons: The Nuclear Family. South Meeting Room, Newcomb Hall, 7 p.m.

In town tonight: at Dürty Nelly's, Jake Briggs.

tuesday 3

Take a lesson from a real poet, why doncha: Michael S. Harper, a professor at Brown University, speaks on the craft of poetry at the U.Va. Bookstore, 8 p.m. Maybe then I won't puke the next time I have to read one of your sorry excuses for a "poem."

It burn like a ball on fire, when the rebel took a little child bride to tease yea, so go easy yeah; 'cause love comes a million ways, chase the Devil when he misbehaves, I ain't nobody's fool, shake it up, whatever I do. Well, rock the cradle of love, yeah, rock that cradle of love. Ariane Manske asks, "Who's Afraid of Political Correctness?," Newcomb Hall, 7 p.m., and, strangely enough, answers too.

In town tonight: at Nafe's Persian Smorgasborg, Haggis.

wednesday 4

Hey deviants! Been itchin' to tame that dastardly Oedipus complex? Spent all your money on flip-flops, cottage cheese, and cellophane wrap? Come to the pay-what-you-can night for "Monster Therapy," Live Arts, 8 p.m.

Whaddya mean "five Jacks in the same hand?" Diverse dealing my ass! "The Inclusive Classroom: Dealing with Diverse Perspectives." South Meeting Room, Newcomb Hall, 3 p.m.

In town tonight: at the Bomb Shelter, open mic night; at Outback Lodge, The Secret.