On the Road Again

Poodah applauds recent efforts to revamp the Student Escort Service for convienence and efficiency. Happening by an open meeting room window, Poodah overheard some suggested alternate transportation methods.

• Student Escort (functional)
• Chi Phi Piggyback
• Pogostick
• H.M.S. Titanic
• Proud Men In Blue Shirts (New Bile Green Rugby- Hospital Route)
• Telekinesis
• Roofie Slippers
• Monorail!
• Borrow Old Man Casteen's Car
• Desert Storm John's Red Van
• Mosaic House Rickshaw
• Firm Belief That You Can Get Home
• Mennonites!
• Kickboard
• Power Wheels
• FIJI Saturday Night Lock-in
• Dark Sedan With DKE Stickers
• Love Lifts You Up Where You Belong
• Smoke Pot ... Think It Over

Poodah's Dream Getaways

Want to beat the rush? Sign up now with Poodah Travel Inc. for hot times this Spring Break. Check out these package deals. Satisfaction guaranteed or Poodah's name isn't Poodah.

Human Shield Package
You'll be flown to Iraq courtesy of the Republican Guard, where you'll spend a memorable week in Iraq's best kept secret - The Chemical Warfare Plant(ation). In addition to enjoying deluxe accomodations, you'll dine on the finest pita and water this side of the Persian Gulf. Spend your days basking under the soot-filled skies, or choose from any number of our entertaining and informative courses. Courses include Brick Throwing, 101 Uses For A White Rag, Intro. To Stalling UN Investigators, and Identifying Second-hand Russian Spare Parts. Organ donors preferred.

Alternative Spring Break - Crozet
Get away from it all, literally, in scenic Crozet, Virginia. Spend your times doing meaningful community service, including sewing overalls for local yokels, updating Amoco pumps to pay-at-pump status, and scraping roadkill off Rt. 250. You'll be spreading the light of Harris Teeter in the land of Farmer Jack. Also planned are day trips to the frozen food factory and re-tracing Casteen's drive o' shame.

Valtrex Daytona Escape
A Tuskegee dream. Tired of the same old Daytona strip drivel? Want a life-changing experience? A Spring Break you'll never forget? Posh accomodations in Daytona General as you learn the ins and outs of the gift that keeps on giving. Let Daytona set your loins on fire ... it's about suppression.

Discover Delaware
SEE the birthplace of Steve Guttenberg. FEEL the fishy mid-Atlantic breeze. DINE in luxury at Maryland House, or for a more quaint bit of Americana, the border McDonalds. READ South Of The Border billboards. From wharf to wharves, EXPERIENCE THE BEST that I-95's darling has to offer.

The Coreys Of The Carribbean
Stow away on Carnival Cruise Lines with Stars Of The Eighties. The weather may be warm and tropical, but there'll be plenty of snow. Activities include wreck-diving with Mr. T for sunken treasure, Facts of Life Wet Tee-shirt Contest (Ms. Garrett will participate), and Discotek all night long with the cast of Fame and the Solid Gold Dancers hosted by Denny Terio. Transportation courtesy of Knight Industries and Jan Michael Vincent.Lecture on tourist safety by head of security, Philip Michael Thomas.

Poodah's P & T Fairytale

Once upon a time there was a little boy who parked his car. Fuck, they towed it!