Dalaiday

In anticipation of the imminent arrival of the Dalai Lama to the hallowed grounds of the university, Poodah has taken it upon Poodah's self to formulate the itinerary for said visit of the Enlightened One.

10 a.m.:	Consortium of univeristy a capella groups greet Dalai Lama with an uplifting rendition of "Hello Dalai"
11 a.m.:	Cavalier Daily presents Honorary Basket of Copenhagen
12 noon:	Gusburgers all around
1 p.m.:	Dalai Lama to reclaim Tibetan Book of the Dead (yoink!)
2 p.m.:	President Casteen leads ceremony to name new Bice Computer Lab "DalaiWood." Presentation of Honorary Timeline to follow. [Born Again ... Meets Beastie Boys ... Comes to U.Va.]
6 p.m.:	Treated to special ARAmark dinner of "Poached Dalai Llama"
8 p.m.:	Evening meditations. Achieves Jeffersonian Enlightenment
10 p.m.:	Renegade Chinese Student Group annexes his Omni Suite and kicks his ass to make him feel more at home

Re-arming ARAmark

Practicing Poodah's Gestapo tactics, Poodah clandestinely intercepted a memorandum from the ARAmark World Council (sequestered in a bunker in subterranean French Guyana) concerning new U.Va. dining procedures:

Research shows that guests prefer a Roving Flavor Station Attendent to the static McCormick Spice Rack. Please make use of the enclosed utility belt dispense spices and condiments. Diners should also have the luxury of freshly ground MSG. Muscle tee and spandex shorts are enclosed to outfit your attendent.

To accomodate our multi-cultural guests we will be replacing the Treat Yourself Right bar with the "Best of the Wurst Buffet." Also up for expansion is the "Tijuana Line," which soon will move beyond soup to include such items as water, unwashed vegetables and Giardia Sauce. Inform visitors of the upcoming "Ramadan-a-rama Lunch Feast."

To cover expenses from a lawsuit concerning "Vegan Taste-Test Night," we are taking on new corporate sponsors. Virginia Blood Services will now offer Intravenous Meals-To-Go in six new "flavors." Masters & Johnson will provide a "Makin' Bacon Station" to be placed between the condiments and waffle makers. Hooters will supply new uniforms to make our staff more appealing -- make sure Hazel gets hers.

Poodah is Everywhere

Poodah was astounded at the poor conduct of six members of the Music Department last Friday night, who not only stiffed the waitress at Southern Culture, they underpaid their bill by 10 dollars. It seems that by paying with separate checks, they forgot to pay the total amount. Tsk, tsk. Be warned, Poodah is everywhere.

Hoo Bus Busted

Outraged at the impending cancellation of the Hoo Bus Service, Poodah has turned to speculation as to why this atrocity could have been allowed to transpire.

• Too much San Francisco Flavor (City Council threatened to rename JPA "The Haight")
• Made Julian Bond sit in the back.
• Cheerful bell & chipper red paint offends sensible Goth community.
• No McDonald's layover.
• Keeps taking students into eerie puppet world.
• Repeated trolley-jackings by middle-school townies.
• Old Man Casteen throws temper tantrum after being told to "Stop ringing that damn bell!"
• Hoo gives a rat's ass?

Poodah Confidential

To a certain professor: Everyone already knows you're hot. Do you really need to be validated in print?