Pocket Full of Posey

by Wendy Korwin

We went to an Ides of March party together. I went as Jackie Onassis, in a pillbox hat, and blood on my pink Chanel dress. Well, ketchup really, and macaroni and cheese stuck on like brains and stuff ...

Walk down the Downtown Mall these days. Go on. What do you see? Well, start at the ice rink, on that little road the Hoo Bus shimmies down ... a few empty flower pots that used to house some of those pretty cabbages ... the statue of that naked, one-eyed, hydrocephalic metal baby ... now turn right. Now, I said. Right. RIGHT NOW. You're in front of the Jefferson Theater. There's a pile of the C-ville Weekly out front and a couple of eerie, glowing movie posters. Whooop ... there goes a mallrat. Ignore that.

And there she is. In a pillbox hat, a pink Chanel suit and holding a big scary-looking gun. Meet Jackie O. The sign above her says, "Coming Soon," and the only thing you can think of is Bodo's on the Corner. But don't retreat, not just yet. Look at that gun. Look at her smile. Look at those big pink letters that say, "Parker Posey ... The House of Yes," and welcome Mrs. Kennedy back to town.

She was here before, you know. Actually, I bet you didn't. But I do, of course, so follow me. Turn back around and walk towards the Omni. Make a right down Market Street and find Vinegar Hill Theater. Shouldn't be too hard. There. She was there and now she's back. You've just met Charlottesville's next guest, so make her feel welcome this time. Vinegar Hill kept Mark Waters' The House of Yes running for a only a week last year, replacing it with some dewy "emotional" flick called The Dopey Dove or Wings of the Turkey or something (which, by the way, they threatened the public with for over a month). The Jefferson, however, true to its reputation -- and for only two dollars! -- has come to mop up my discontent and reassure me that society isn't going to the bollocks. We can still see good movies. Yippeee! It looks like a hair brush. Like a brush you brush your hair with ... Yes it was pink, goddamn it! It was pink! It was PINK and now it's GONE!

Aaaah. The concerns of a true bitch. I love it. The House of Yes is, yup, my favorite movie. And it's really a great one, too. I wouldn't go and tell you about any old junk like Titanic or nothing. After all, I do have morals, though this movie manages to push them aside for 1.4 hours while I laugh my ass off. Parker Posey plays insane, glamorous girl whom everyone calls "Jackie O" while Tori Spelling is (get this) the easy, dumb-blonde houseguest. The cast is teeny, consisting of only three other people, and the entire movie takes place over Thanksgiving in their obnoxiously huge house in northern Virginia. The plot is built around the fact that Jackie's twin brother Marty (Josh Hamilton) brings his fiancée home for the weekend. Which wouldn't, of course, be a problem, if Jackie wasn't in love with him or had been taking her medication or wasn't tempted by large, accessible firearms, and if Tori's character Lesly wasn't so bloody annoying. But then we wouldn't have a movie, now would we?

I personally hate the term "black comedy." It makes me feel all dark and twisted, like I shouldn't be laughing at things I think are funny because other people may find them horrid. Black comedy has also become one of those stylishly unpopular genres, but if that is the case, then Parker Posey is definitely Queen. She's had some great roles, like Darla, the senior bitch in Dazed and Confused ("Get up, you little freshman sluts!!! AIR RAID!!!!"); Mary, the wannabe librarian in Party Girl; and about 20 other acting parts I haven't seen. In this movie, she leads the cast into chaos and hilarious psychopathic tendencies that have to be respected in any movie with Tori Spelling in it. But do not fear, lest you not be won over by my Chanel-sporting beauty. That isn't to say that the other characters (yes, all four of them) don't stand on their own.

Oh my God! I sounded just like a mother! Didn't I sound just like a mother? ... I still can't believe it. I look at you people and wonder, how did you ever fit in my womb?

Genevieve Bujold plays Mrs. Pascal, Marty and Jackie's mother, whose husband mysteriously "disappeared" on the same day that Kennedy was shot. She's the perfectly disturbed mother, one who can't have a hairbrush on the kitchen floor, and one whose first conversation with Lesly includes the words, "When they came out of the womb, Jackie's hand was holding Marty's penis." Her role takes off, complete with posh French accent and references to her kitchen knives. The only slightly dull character in the movie is Anthony (Freddie Prinze, Jr.), Jackie and Marty's younger brother, who does little more than give Jackie her pills and try to get laid.

It was Lesly who impressed me the most in this film. Parker Posey was an expected star, but Tori Spelling came out of nowhere. OK, so her father helped pay for the movie, so what? Tori's performance is nothing short of Oscar quality. Her transition from the brainless, rich, anorexic-in-real-life 90210 to the brainless, poor anorexic in The House of Yes is absolutely convincing and done without the bat of a fake eyelash. It's nice to see that she's truly broken free, found a place for herself in the movie world, and nestled into such a respectable role. Yay Tori!

This movie is, as my old roommate would say, tre-MEN-dous. It's dark and confusing, and plenty funny. But when taking sides for Jackie O. or Lesly, I'll give you a hint: On Beverly Hills, 90210, Donna may have a pink Chanel suit, but she sure don't own a gun.