Peter Griesar / Disposable Love Songs by Nick Taylor Peter Griesar A late-night phone call. On one end of the line we have British musical-theater impresario Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. On the other, ex-Pixies frontman Black Francis (a.k.a. Frank Black). Lloyd Webber: Listen, my lawyer is on it. Black Francis: I will eat your lawyer. Lloyd Webber: Pardon? Black Francis: I will ... never mind. We were talking about Griesar. Lloyd Webber: Yes, Peter Griesar. Fine fellow. Let's see. Member of The Dave Matthews Band, founding member, I believe, until he quit in '93. Just before they made it big, as I understand. He quit, as I understand ... Black Francis: Cut the shit, Lloyd Webber -- you're gonna sue his ass. Lloyd Webber: I most certainly am! And I urge you to do the same. Black Francis: I already told you no. Lloyd Webber: But don't you see? One small gesture in the legal direction could net you a pretty living allowance, let's see ... a sum like you've never seen, even! Black Francis: I've got enough money. Lloyd Webber: Enough money, yes, certainly. But do you not feel that somehow, somewhere deep inside you, enough is just not going to do it? Black Francis: Look, just because this guy sings like me -- it doesn't mean I gotta beat him down. Lloyd Webber: But ... but this is your ... our ... intellectual property! Black Francis: "Ken is crazy for his doll, so slender / Sitting on the bed, being handled by her friends." You want to tell me this is your intellectual property? Lloyd Webber: Well, I simply meant that he has assumed a likeness to you. In American rock parlance, you might say that he, ah, "copped" your style? Black Francis: Let him cop. Look, Sir Andrew, there are two kinds of artists. Thieves and fakes. Okay? Thieves and fakes. I'm a thief, you know? My songs -- Pixies songs -- that's just me trying to play like Jesus Nipple! I'm gonna be frank with you, Lloyd Webber. Peter Griesar is an artist. So he copped my singing style a little. So what? Look, everybody's trying to imitate somebody else. And to be perfectly honest, I'm flattered. Lloyd Webber: But the distortion! The ... the gall with which he perverts not only my work, but the work of dozens -- nay, hundreds -- of theatrical composers! I am outraged. Black Francis: He doesn't sound like you. Lloyd Webber: Well, of course you think that. You have no ear for this sort of thing. Allow me the pleasure of a quote: "Take me to the zoo / Where we'll make some mischief, me and you." This is undeniably mine. Did you see Phantom, Francis? Black Francis: No. Lloyd Webber: Well, there you have it! In the final scene -- cut from the American version -- the Phantom turns to the female lead and, in a climax unlike any other in musical theatre, pulls off his mask and declares, "Take me, my love! Take me to the zoo!" Black Francis: Really? Lloyd Webber: Most definitely. I'll have my lawyer fax you the score, if you wish. Black Francis: Keep it. Look, I love this record. So he sounds a little like me, a little like you. Griesar's a good guy. He recorded the whole album at his house over Christmas. He made 1,000 copies using his own money. And he says he'll do it again. What do you have to say about that? Lloyd Webber: Can you hold on a sec? I have another call. Black Francis: [aside] Buy it. Oh God, please! Buy it while you still can. Plan 9 or Spencer's 206. It's true --1,000 copies. This is not payola.

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