Rasslin'

In light of WCW's imminent arrival on the Charlottesville scene, Poodah has realized the lucrative nature of the promoting business. Ladies and gentlemen, for your blood-lust and general appeasement, Poodah Promotions, Inc. proudly announces the following exciting match-ups, in what promises to be a truly university-wide wrestling extravaganza.

Clash of the Underfundeds
In the red corner, fighting out of the Art Department and wearing a dusty mock, William "Witness Protection" Bennett. And in the blue corner, out of the Music Department and carrying a rench horn, Donald "Smooth-sippin" Loach. Look for Loach to come on strong early, but struggle as Bennett turns on The Twitch.

The Campaign for Poland
A long-standing intradepartmental feud comes to a boiling head! Nazi Germany's "Teutonic" Thomas Best takes on Communist Russia's Woodford "It's more than just a good theory" McClellan in a score that will be brutally settled. Look for the judicious use of brainwashing and oppression. Will Poland ever escape centuries of abuse? Find out tonight.

GutWar '98
Up-and-comer Carl "B Natural" Roskott squares off against perennial favorite Walter "Sweaty Wally" Korte. Referee Ramazani has already imposed a strict prohibition on emailing exam answers, but Roskott may still be able to compose a symphony of hurt on the aging Korte. LLL division - the Lovely Ladies of Literature Rita "Felled Her" Felski faces Susan "The Brain" Fraiman in a fabulous evening of empowerment and olestra. Sponsored by WOW! Potato chips. Refereed by Fabio. Battle Royale In the evening's glorious main event, two lesser schools go head to head in a cage-match, free-for-all fight to the finish.

Tool Time!
It's the School of Engineering and Applied Sciences, led by "Marvelous" Melvin Cherno vs. The School of Architecture and their fearless frontman, Bill "Mr. Greendean" McDonough. The action will be fast and furious, as the loser faces relocation to Clinch Valley College in scenic Wise, Virginia. Contestants need only recall the vicious match between the Rhetoric and Communications Department and the Classics for motivation.

April Cool

April Fool's Day is fast approaching. Poodah, not wishing faithful readers to fall victim to the mindless antics of lesser pranksters, offers these good-spirited suggestions for springtime satisfaction. Try them on your roommate, close friends, or passersby. It's guaranteed mild amusement.

• move rush to spring; duck and cover
• fake roommate's pregnancy
• drink heavily, "acquire" tow truck, relocate friend's Mercedes
• steal three members of the Board of Visitors
• sacrifice roommate to appease goat-god
• ringworm!
• orally commit to live with roommate; go to UNC at end of signing period
• secretly replace regular BBS with mountain-grown Folgers Crystals
• secretly replace regular Alderman Library with decaf Cafe Espresso Royale
• bronze roommate's underwear
• ring doorbell; run away

Recipe for Disaster

Poodah returned from a rainy Spring Break with nothing to show for it but a tasty recipe and a mild case of the clap. Guess which one Poodah decided to share.

Poodah's Tropical Tonic

• 64 oz. Pepe Lopez Island White Tequila
• worm to taste