Wendy Korwin     Sublet Season It was only last week that I realized it was getting warmer. It could be the work of that poor groundhog up in Pennsylvania, or El Niño, or the Greenhouse Effect (which, by the way, I am anxiously awaiting). Or maybe it's just spring already and we are, indeed, "down south" as those Punxsatawney rodent-lovers would claim. To be honest, I don't much care. I've been too busy digging out all 236 of my old t-shirts and preparing to buy tubs of powdered iced tea. I found my $7.99 fan and TJ Maxx flip flops. It's warm! I can walk home from classes painlessly and organize my sunblock and yes, start searching for a place to live this summer. I know what time of year it is. It's sublet season and baby, I'm ready for it. Going to the Salvation Army to pick up my one piece of furniture (a nice squishy mattress) and feasting on Slurpees and ice cream for three months. What more could a girl want? I've already begun my quest for the perfect summer location. So far this has meant responding to exactly three ads, and I think I've found out the secret. Finding a summertime abode is quite different than finding one for the school year; certain factors take on unexpected importance. But I'm sly. I'm shrewd. Having identified these and already used them to my own advantage, I feel it my duty to share them with y'all. Jefferson would have wanted it this way. First the most obvious: when looking for a sublet, where do you want it? I don't mean this from your traditional Brandon vs. Hereford, Cabell Hall-centered viewpoint. I mean this in terms of the important stuff: the 7-11. Sure, Joe Cool might live on the corner with free access to the Unlucky 7. Little Miss Spunky can enjoy her JPA air conditioning and buy Mini Thins at the 7-Day Junior. Hell, you could be up in Maryland where they have 6-12s, I'd still rather live out on Hydraulic near a Slurpee machine and a Blockbuster. We don't have to be that extreme though; go check out Ivy. Preston, kiss my patootie. After all, what is summer without crushed flavored ice and a big pink spoon-straw? Naturally, after you have your refreshments, you have your neighbors. No, not your neighbors over for refreshments -- this isn't a social occasion -- I just mean your neighbors, as acquaintances, companions, even someone you could lend your mellon-baller to in a crunch. During the summer, things will no doubt be very different in terms of relationships with the people you live with. There's no excuse for complaining about the volume of the new Madonna album. No one has four midterms and a pledge meeting on Tuesday. No one remembers if the blue bus comes on the 5s or the 15s, so don't ask. Roommates take on a different function once school is over: one of efficiency, convenience, and the ability to remember the phone number for Arch's. While considering the possible strangers you might be spending three months with, I leave you with a list of factors to consider: quality of CD collection; presence or absence of automobile/bike/large dog to double as pony; inclination to pay the $3.69 for orange juice not from concentrate; and brand of deodorant. Anyone with tendencies towards generic brands or anything from Farmer Jack must be carefully reevaluated. Assuming you have all this down pat, you may now proceed onto step three: determining how your summer is to be spent. Clearly, this is the most open-ended and personal of your summer objectives. After all, you might be able to refute the importance of Slurpees, but everyone needs to plan carefully to spend their summer well, even if it does just turn out to be a completely mindless 'resume builder.' Where will you be? In the Chem building? Sunbathing nude in the graveyard next to Albert Tuttle? On the Lawn, luring in prospectives? Thinking up new comment cards for Newcomb '99? This I leave up to you. Frankly, I don't much care what you get your silly ass up to as long as it doesn't involve stealing any position I might be applying for. So go run out there and find some desperate off-Groundsling to rip off/help out. Make sure utilities are included and groundhogs are allowed. And even if you're not staying in Charlottesville this summer, take heed; my methods are foolproof! Just start with the Slurpees and work backwards. **Let it be noted that I have never actually followed any of the above guidelines (but I will!). In truth, I do not personally have a job, place to live, or roommate for this coming summer. Furthermore, I would not be at all surprised if 4.7 minutes after I finish writing this the temperature drops 47 degrees and we are flung back into winter, in which case I must go re-file my sunblock and t-shirts.**

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