thursday 16

Give me back my night, you oppressive, patriarchal, wife-battering, sexually-assaultive slob of a man!"
"No, you can't have it. You can't ..."
*Yoink*
"... Hey!"
Take Back the Night march, in front of City Hall, 6:30 p.m. Buses leaving from the chapel from 6 until 7 p.m.

"Well, there's your eczema, not to mention the gross body acne, and you never did manage to shake the clap."
ASL/Deaf Culture Lecture Series presents I Love You, But ..., McCloud Hall, 7 p.m.

In town tonight: at Dürty Nelly's, Keith Bradley and Pete Fekus; at Buddhist Biker Bar & Grill, Hogwaller Ramblers; at Trax, June Rich, The Emptys, and Christine Havrilla.

friday 17

"Okay girls, just like we practiced for the past month: get up on that stage and act like ditzy little airheads in front of every fratboy and his mother as they gawk and laugh and point. You fuck up and you're no longer my sister." Derby Days, Amphitheater, 5 p.m.

It's hot and wet, which is fine if you're with a lady, but it ain't no good if you're in the jungle. Good Morning Vietnam, midnight at Cinematheque.

In town tonight: at Dürty Nelly's, Naked Puritans; at Jewish Mother, Ian Gilliam Trio; at Trax, 2 Skinnee J's and The Urge; at Tokyo Rose, Supertanker and Raphael.

graphic by Allison Devers

saturday 18

"Give us the money." No, it's free. "Give us the money." No, it's free. "But Helmut's girlfriend cut off her toe ..." Georg Büchner's Leonce und Lena (in German), in Maury Auditorium, 8 p.m. Free.

He rode easy in the saddle, he was tall and mean / They say he'd shoot a man just to hear him scream / The Sheriff formed a posse to get the old man skinned / But the next day they found out that he'd Gone with the Wind, Cinematheque, 1 p.m.

Picture it: A round circular object -- a ball! Yeah, a ball. And it ... fixes things, you know, like it takes an old thing and makes it new again -- restoration! -- yeah, yeah, restoration, and we sell it with a catchy name, like The Round Thing that Fixes Things -- The Restoration Ball! Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket! The Restoration Ball, Newcomb Ballroom, 9 p.m.

In town tonight: at Jewish Mother, Billy and the Backbeats; at Tokyo Rose, WIRE Benefit; at Trax, Klub Krew's Divine; at Random Row, Turning Point; at Monticello Brewing Company, Wendy Repass.

sunday 19

PBS might have La Calle Sesame, but we've got the SAB! Barrio Fiesta, Student Activities Building, 4 p.m. ¡Viva el barrio!

"Man, my kid brother got ahold of my Dance Club, and boy did it do a number on my head." "The bossanova?" "Naw, chief, the cha-cha. The cha-cha." University Dance Club Spring Performance, Newcomb Ballroom, 8 p.m.

In town tonight: at Dürty Nelly's, Dreamin' Gleeman; at Jewish Mother, Rusty Spiedel; at Michael's Bistro, East Coast Bluegrass Band; at Orbit, Daddy Squeeze and the Doctor.

monday 20

Astrid Schumaker speaks on women with too many children, trespassing cobbler elves, and monetary unions. Peabody 106, 2 p.m.

Aye, it's been nigh umpteen years since the mighty Fayer-weather creaked open 'er rusty maw to swaller a landlubbin' jonah, so they say. And on warm nights ye might spy her breaching off o' Carr's Hill Point. Aye, such a sight that be; the moonlight on her back and the fury of God hisself in her eye! Arrr! Senior Art Show, featuring Priya Bhatnager, John Arnold, and Elizabeth Foster. Fayerweather Gallery, 5 p.m.

In town tonight: at Baja Bean, open mic night; at Jewish Mother, karaoke; at Michael's Bistro, Buttamilk District.

tuesday 21

Birkenstock-Clad Nancy-Boy: Uhh ... I'm looking for something in a lush island getaway, you know, with a beach and maybe some rainforest and a ... Guy-Who's-Sunburned-and-Pissed: Hey asshole, the pansy table is over there. All we got here is post-apocalypse city rubble and deserts with no atmosphere. Nancy-Boy: Don't I get a choice? Pissed: Choice my ass. Shut yer fuckin' hole. Earth Day Environmental Choices Fair, Amphitheater, noon.

Just in case you missed Salmagundi, you can still watch Toolies Extraordinaires show you films of bridges and circuit boards. Dyno-fuckin'-mite! Film Fest sponsored by Engineering Honor Society, Newcomb Theater, 8 p.m.

In town tonight: at Dürty Nelly's, Steve and Tim Ryalls with Skip Hagan; at Jewish Mother, DJ dance party; at Michael's Bistro, Dave Cosby Project; at Outback Lodge, the Ninth.

wednesday 22

Playboy, J. Crew, Abercrombie and Fitch, Glamour, and MTV would have paid you for your time ... but you're too damn ugly. So lie down cause we don't want you for your looks, just for your bodily fluids. Blood Drive, Peabody 106, 107.

In town tonight: at the Jewish Mother, Humble Sacrifice; at the Outback Lodge, the Secret; at Trax, Belizbeha and Phatness; at Michael's Bistro, local jazz night.