Worn

In light of the recent controversy over Student Council using SAF funds for TVs, stereos, fake plants, and other office furnishings, Poodah investigated the expenditures of the Honor Committee. Poodah offers this little tune as a meditation on, or, perhaps, explanation of their frivolous purchases.

(to be sung to the tune of Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn")

I thought I saw some fleas or were they lice?
They were warm, they hopped around, they bit me in the side
That nasty sofa makes me want to die
Bet this couch was clean in days of yore
Now Honor doesn't know, doesn't care what a sofa's for
Fuck them, I'm sitting on the floor!
It's nothing where I used to lie
The old upholstery has run dry
That's what's going on
The paisley fabric's torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
This End Up is tacky, let's go to another store
We're above thrift stores -- even if they're deals
Even non-politicos can see the perfect sofa's torn
It just cost 7K; Hancher signed the form ... fo-o-orm.

Binge and Purge

The university, ever on the leading edge of hypocrisy, has decided to crack down on binge drinking while simultaneously creating a university environment in which it is impossible to live without. Herewith, the policy recommendations of the task force, culled by Poodah from a poorly guarded trash receptacle.

• Raise the drinking age to 65
• Swab taps with virulent, penicillin-resistant strains of meningitis
• Sorority house mothers: actual mothers
• Solve all the problems in the world
• Mass shipments of Yahtzee to social organizations
• Replace kegs with harmless medicinal sheets of LSD
• Revive dead body of famous teetotaler Carry Nation
• Offer preventative surgery of an unspecified nature
• Remind students that alcohol consumption hinders premarital sex

Pitch the Tent, Baby

In an attempt to solve all of the world's problems, including but not limited to binge drinking and a lack of performance space, the university bought a huge tent. While its intended use is still a mystery, Poodah would like to suggest that university officials include the following activities when allocating tent space.

Monday
2 p.m. Shakespeare on the Tent presents Troilus and Cressida.

Tuesday
University sponsored binge drinking (adults only please)

Wednesday
7 p.m. Bingo Night with special guests CHoosE!

Thursday
Afternoon storytime (mats available upon request); Dec distribution

Friday
Biology Society Dissect-O-Rama.

Saturday
3:00 p.m. Free Swim.

Sunday
Brother Jim's ice-cream social and covered dish dinner (Fireside chats to follow.)

Coming soon: Oktoberfest in September, featuring the Non-Alcoholic Beer Garden, or Unbiergarten!