Poodah Corner

No Child of Mine

(to the tune of Guns n' Roses's "Sweet Child of Mine" at the UVa Hospital)

She was born where it seems to be
that the nurses have bad memories
When they bring out your baby it's always a big surprise

Now and then when I see her face,
I wonder if she's of another race
If I stare too long I'll probably break down and cry

Whoa, whoa, whoa which child is mine? (repeat)

She's got eyes of some other guy,
And if they checked her DNA,
I'd hate to see the test results and learn she's blood type A

The maternity ward should be a warm safe place,
And not a house of lies
Pray for a sitcom and a book deal so we can live posh lives

Whoa, whoa, whoa, this child ain't mine (repeat)

Who do we sue? Who do we sue now? (repeat)
Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye, aye,
WHO DO WE SUE NOW?? (repeat and fade)

Boys' Night Out

Now that the initial confusion of finding your first-year dorm and your classes has subsided, it's time to find friends. Poodah has devised a helpful little quiz to help all you first-year guys find your niche here at good ol' U.Va.

1. What is the first thing you do when you wake up Saturday morning?
a. Put your underwear in your back pocket and walk home
b. Boot up your computer and head to Runk for brunch
2. If asked to describe what you did last night you would you respond:
a. "Fuck, I can't remember her name"
b. "Couldn't sleep ... had to fight Orcs"
3. The magazine you are most looking forward to finding in your mailbox is:
a. Playboy's Women of the ACC issue
b. Nintendo Power
4. The secret code you would most like to learn is:
a. The Tri-Delt house code
b. The Sony PlayStation Lara Croft nudie numbers

Mostly a's means that you are a Rugby Road natural. Guys who fall into this category should don khakis and report immediately to the nearest fraternity house.

If you found yourself identifying with the b's, it's time to pack your bags and buy a one-way ticket to the illustrious gaming community of Hereford. We never want to see you again.

Decent Docent

After celebrating the seventy-fifth birthday of the Virginian, Poodah happened upon a rather perplexed third-grader who asked Poodah to "Explain this."

"Poodah, what's wrong with her eyes?"
"The old man had a bit too much Rotundah Thundah."
"Why is the dress falling off?"
"The old man had a bit too much Rotundah Thundah."
"Is she in a hotel?"
"There are no hotels in Crozet."
"Can I go now?"
"No."
"Make the scary lady go away."
"That's not a question. [whip, whip] Bring me my Rotundah Thundah."

Poodah is Everywhere

On a recent excursion to Wal-Mart, Poodah espied none other than Ol' Man Casteen himself negotiating a cart laden with garden hoses and flower bulbs. Poodah assumes that he is preparing to sow some seeds.

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