graphic by Tom Serlin

thursday 24

Thursday Night isn't "Let's go get fucked (up) on Rugby Road Night" anymore 'cause this ain't your father's university. Instead, go to that big fucking tent by Newcomb and hear some bad music with boring people. Thursday Concert Series, 7 p.m., Newcomb West Plaza.

Camera zooms in on two boys from the wrong side of town. "You know what? I got me a hankerin' for some of that there Kung Pao Pork." Cut to close up of second boy. "I'll Kung Pao your ass, bitch. Get me some of that Pu Pu Platter." Fade out slowly ... very slowly. Chinatown, Cinematheque, 7 & 9:30 p.m.

In town tonight: at Trax, Fighting Gravity, Kelly Bell Band; at Dürty Nelly's, Gretchen Casler; at Miller's, John D'earth; at Escafé, Synthetic; at Tiny Mac, DJ Super Jock JJ; at Coupe DeVille's, Dave Barton; at Buddhist Biker Bar & Grill, Hogwaller Ramblers.

friday 25

The Comm. school is having a career fair, and you're the fucking sideshow, English Major. 4 p.m., Newcomb Hall. You're worthless. Don't go.

" ... I mean it's the strangest thing, once a month I get this insane urge for karaoke and the taste of human flesh -- but anyway, I gotta go shave my face." Full Moon Fest, Lambeth 204 A & B, 11 p.m.

What do George Clooney, Jennifer Lopez, Geena Davis, and Susan Sarandon have in common? Herpes! Sweaty movies you've already seen at Cinematheque. Out of Sight, 7, 9:30 p.m.; Thelma and Louise at midnight.

In town tonight: at Fridays After Five, Image; at Trax, Live Alien Broadcast, Sev; at Outback Lodge, Charlie Pastorfield; at Two Moons, Matthew Willner; at Biltmore Grill, One Drop.

saturday 26

Now you see me, now you don't -- POOF! Out of Sight, Cinematheque, 7 and 9:30 p.m.

Play some Skynyrd, man! We want some Skyyyynnnnyyyyrddd. Come on, go wild on that big ol' standin' geetar! Freebridge Jazz Quintet, 8:15 p.m. Old Cabell Hall. ART$.

"Gimme the gun, Thelma. I see a man who needs a shootin'." "Honey, we gotta have relations with him 'afore we can kill him."
"All right, but gimme the gun so I'll be ready." Thelma and Louise, Cinematheque, midnight.

In town tonight: at Coupe Deville's, Seven Son; at Dürty Nelly's, Naked Puritans; at Trax, Earth to Andy, Starseed Speed; at Prism Coffeehouse, Showcase Acoustica; at Outback Lodge, Matthew Gap; at Monterey's, Mississippi Tom and the Mudcats.

sunday 27

Want to engage up to eight parties in one conversation? Conference call time! To add-on other parties: Flash. Call next party. Flash. Press *4. Enjoy.

In town tonight: at Dürty Nelly's, PTF; at Michael's Bistro, Shytown; at Escafé, Hogwaller Ramblers; at Boar's Head, Eve Watters; at Orbit, Victor Cabas.

monday 28

Dad, why do their lips keep moving after they're done talking? Meg McKean speaks on "A Rational Explanation of Japan's Culture of Cooperation: Lessons from a Natural Resource Management" in the South Meeting Room, 2 p.m.

Want drama? Two gay men. Stranded. In Argentina. Their loins, flaming with desire, about to catch fire. Separated forever? No, Happy Together. Newcomb Theater, 8 p.m.

In town tonight: at Michael's Bistro, Ian Gilliam Band; at Miller's, Mike Sokolowski; at Monterey's, Thundering Heathens.

tuesday 29

Students from Amnesty International sit on a panel to discuss why it is wrong to beat the shit out of people weaker than you. 7:30 p.m., Newcomb Conference Room, 108A.

In town tonight: at Tokyo Rose, The Makeup, Union of a Man and a Woman; at Michael's Bistro, Doug Bethel Quartet; at Dürty Nelly's, Tim and Steve Ryalls; at Trax, My Dog Lucy, Navel.

wednesday 30

Pissed that you missed out, while others got theirs? Well, my dear Little Hunan, if you missed it, don't worry, because you can still get your Mulan. It's Ramon Myers. It's Political Economy. It's about China. 9 p.m. in the Newcomb Hall Ballroom.

In town tonight: at Trax, The Getaway People, Guster; at Michael's Bistro, Dexter Grove; at Coupe DeVille's, Bennie Dodd; at Outback Lodge, The Secret; at Miller's, Mike Rosensky, Jeff Decker Quartet; at Buddhist Biker Bar & Grill, BC.