Josh Rychak     Go study geek! Quite simply, I had a lot of work to do that weekend. More than typically, anyway, and while I enjoy a quiet day of study at the end of each weekend, that Sunday started earlier than usual. 10 a.m., mist sinews still curling around the trees, I was belabored with my texts, making haste up the empty steps into Thornton Hall. Early fall mornings here have a certain element of tranquility, and as I plodded carefully along I fell casual victim to a verbal accosting the likes of which central grounds rarely sees: "Go study geek!" bellowed from the window of a passing SUV. The street was empty save for the bellowing early-bird motorist and myself. "How gauche," I muttered, perturbed more by the audacity of the shouter than by his content. Quietly, the offending vehicle sputtered off; I hefted my books and continued on. I feel this situation deserves consideration simply because it is something rarely encountered here. To start with, I find it difficult to take this matter personally. The offensiveness quotient of "Go study geek!" by no means measures up to those of even the most mundane racial slur or homophobic epithet. "Go study geek!" cannot be said to be exasperating, or even mildly bothersome. To put it plainly, the whole thing is retarded. But it is an intriguing type of retarded. Careful inquiry here reveals several factors worthy of analysis. The best place to start is by interpreting the phrase. Intuitively, there seems to be an implied you: "[YOU] Go study [YOU] geek!" -- a command. This seems to say that the nature of a geek is studious, and that upon seeing a geek one should vociferously encourage him to go study. My puzzlement here comes from the intent behind the command. Were I to tell you that I am a baker, you might helpfully encourage me to go bake something, that is, to go apply myself in a manner complementary to my talents. In this case the apparent aggressor is a well wisher, an enthusiast even: "Go forth and do that which you do: go study." On the downside, perhaps this encouragement is actually a not-so-polite way of saying get lost. Either seems plausible, really. Bumping the comma back gives the phrase an entirely new meaning. "Go, study geek!" -- as in "Go, Speed Racer!" Anyone having passed through the seventh grade is familiar with the term geek, and a "study geek" is surely some sort of derivative form of the word. In this case it may be suspected that a study geek is some sort of geeky, all-studying entity haunting grounds, sort of a latter-day bandit: breaking into lawn rooms and studying for other peoples' classes, beating up first years for chemistry textbooks, etc. Is it possible that the study geek here supports a shadowy, elusive reputation similar to that of streakers, secret societies, and leprechauns? That is, they are rare, and to see one almost certainly inspires uncontainable enthusiasm, as in "Go, study geek! You studying bastard! Go on and study, yeah!" I suppose boisterous endorsement is somewhat more favorable than a shouted command, but I suspect the difference is not entirely crucial. What seems most striking here is the absurdity of the situation. What is it that would prompt someone to yell "Go study geek!" from the window of his SUV? I will grant that "Go study geek!" could be the chorus of a song Mr. SUV was singing along to, or it could be that "Go study geek!" is actually foreign for "Hey! Have a happy day!" In the final analysis, though, it doesn't really matter. Motivations aside, I see this whole thing as an omen. Allow me to speculate: Every day we sit here and bitch about rampant pretension and academic perfectionism. The grossly disproportionate emphasis we place on good grades is leaking into other areas of our lives: academic beauty is becoming a ruthless meter by which we rank ourselves across the board. As an inclusive student body, our priorities are a drag, and a muddled, bewildering drag at that. There is a golden nugget of common sense bound up in "Go study geek!" and it signals a shifting paradigm. I feel the mindset behind "Go study geek!" presents a viable alternative for us: return to the act of studying its proper measure of uncoolness and social disgrace. The intent behind "Go study geek!" is unequivocally derogatory, and justly so. The heinous glorification of studying must be eradicated; high school mentality certainly fills the void. The example set by my vociferous colleague bespeaks of a more practical, a more intelligent way of life for the university, and I will be the first to embrace the new order. Round up the E-School geeks and give them wedgies! Move Canevari's office furniture into the East Gardens! Run your RA's underwear up the flagpole! The academic and social rules have become so monstrously mixed up at U.Va. it's time to straighten ourselves out.

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